Make Store Bought Strawberries Last Longer

My kids love strawberries, but especially my 3 year old. He would probably eat a quart of strawberries a day if I let him. I buy them from the grocery store once a week or so, but I always run into the same problem: they start going bad within days. They get mushy, moldy and inedible. It's not fun when my emotional boy asks to eat the strawberries he sees in the fridge and I have to throw them away in front of him. It breaks his little heart.

But, I've found a solution!

Usually, I clean and cut them as they're requested. Instead, I cut the tops off, clean them and put them in a tupperware container that is lined with a papertowel. You can use whatever kind you want; I prefer these long, flat ones. Place a papertowel on top of the strawberries, secure the lid and voilà! They'll last at least 3-4 days longer than they would originally.

Enjoy your strawberries and enjoy saving money!

Tiny Terrorist Toddler And The Little Mother That Could

If you're a parent, you know that raising kids isn't always fun. You don't always go to bed with sunshine and rainbows coming out of your ass, excited for the number of consecutive poopy diapers you're going to change before 10am. There are some days (or weeks, let's be honest) that really just suck. Because being a parent is tough. Whether you're working outside of the home or are a stay at home parent, parenting can feel like a full time job in and of itself. It's a lifestyle, really. A lifestyle that sometimes (more often than many want to admit) makes you lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes before you staple your whiny kid to the wall by the food and booger stained clothes they're wearing.

For the past week, we've had nothing but rain and it's made us all a little stir crazy. The toddler begs to play outside on a daily basis and, quite frankly, sunshine and fresh air really help clear my mind. The sun finally peeked out from behind the clouds today. If it hadn't have been so windy, it would have been damn near perfect. When the fiancee was finished with work (he worked from home today), we all went outside to sit and soak it all up. While we were sitting there, a woman with a stroller walked up the sidewalk. I looked not only to see who was passing, but also because she complimented the toddler's hair, as most everyone does when we're outside. (Girls love curls, mmkay?) The back of the stroller resembled a mule: it was laden with a giant, overstuffed diaper bag and 3 or 4 full shopping bags, all strategically (or not so strategically) stuffed in the basket under the stroller or hanging from the handle. There was so much weight in the back that unless she kept her hand on it, it kept tipping backwards. The front of the stroller contained a small girl with long, red, wispy hair that needed to be brushed. My eyes moved to the woman pushing the plastic mule. She was the quintessential frazzled and overwhelmed mom, almost to the point where it was like looking at a character out of a Lifetime movie: her long hair hung in a complete mess around her shoulders and the frame of her face, pieces blowing madly in the wind. She was wearing yoga pants, a baggy tshirt, a fleece jacket, and a 7 month old baby boy was hanging from her front. She was out of breath and you could hear it in her voice. Her face was drawn and gave away her level of exhaustion.

We talked for a few minutes about how our children were similar in age differences: I have a 10 year old, an almost 3 year old and 6 month old. She has a 20 year old, a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old. We sympathized with each other on how hard it is to have two little ones so close in age and laughed at the stupid parts of it; you know, when you're trying to leave the house and all of a sudden everyone has pooped! And how everything is always covered in spit up, including clothes that haven't even been worn yet. Rather than beginning to move the stroller forward, she continued to stand there, just talking about stuff like that. I figured that she was tired, lonely and needed someone who understood, so I continued to smile, laugh and sympathize with her.

Before I really knew what was happening, her daughter was throwing a genuine temper tantrum to get out of the stroller and play with the toddler. I mean, she was kicking, screaming, thrashing, stripping off her coat and shoes to throw on the ground and being an all around really good visual birth control. The woman had said that the little girl had been screaming all day to go outside and they finally were, so she had all this pent up energy. She said that she wanted to go to the playground, but she was afraid of having to chase her around with the baby strapped to her. The little girl continued to throw everything on the ground and the woman looked at me, saying, "I...I don't know what to do."
"Well, I'm here and we were going to stay outside for a little while anyways. If you want to let her down, I can chase her around for you. Mine doesn't run for the street, so he's easy."

I spent the next hour or so chasing this little girl around my front yard and the front yards of two of my neighbors. I blocked her path, limited her running grounds, pried things from her little fingers, picked her up and redirected her path, wrapped my arms around her and my toddler to prevent them from toppling over as she gave him an all encompassing hug and played traffic cop while she drove around on the little four wheeler. (I also stopped myself from being short with her when she continuously snatched things from the toddler, including the hat he was wearing and his jacket, but it's not her fault that her mother doesn't discipline her.) All the while this was happening, her mother talked about random things and gave little embarrassing laughs when her daughter misbehaved. She wanted to talk about messy houses, the nightmarish weight gain...just random chit chat.

Eventually, we had to go inside for dinner and the woman had to leave. We packed up all of our toys, which we hoped would make it easier to get the little girl to leave. It didn't. I ended up sending the toddler upstairs so I could stay outside for a few minutes to make sure she was ok. I couldn't just leave her there. There was a baby strapped to her front and a tiny terrorist toddler that had thrown herself on the ground, screaming and thrashing around again. She looked so frazzled, embarrassed and at the end of her rope.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Yeah, if you could just..."
Her sentence trailed off and I knew that she didn't know what she wanted me to do that would sound appropriate. I'm sure she didn't want to be judged for what needed to be done. So I just walked over to her. I put my hand on the stroller to keep it from tipping and my foot behind the wheel to keep it from going backwards as she attempted to get this little girl, who was now suddenly red faced and stiff as a board, into the stroller. (I suddenly understand why the stroller was in the laying down position...) Anyways, I eventually helped her pick her up, place her in the stroller and buckle her. Can you imagine trying to do that on your own with an 18lb living sack of potatoes hanging from your front?? Pfft.

Can you imagine actually being this woman? I can. I may not go out in public during those days, but there are days that I am this woman. Frazzled, overwhelmed and not able to see an end in sight. We've all been there to some extent. Unless, of course, you're Super Parent. In which case, you're at the wrong blog. ;) What I could have done to this fellow mom was to brush her off and usher her on her way. But I didn't because I know what it feels like to need a damn break! What was an inconvenience or an annoyance to me for a little while today was the life that she leads every single day. For that small amount of time, she could breathe a little easier because she wasn't alone. She said to me, "Oh my god. He's your responsibility and here you are chasing her." I just looked at her and said, "It's ok. I understand."

Be patient. Be understanding. Don't look at another parent who is overwhelmed and make snide, judgmental remarks, even if it's only to yourself. You don't know the person's story, where they've been or what they're going through. Today, I helped a single mom take a breather from her stressful life. Today, that single mom helped give me perspective on things.

SUPPORT EACH OTHER, MOMS. Support each other in love because that's what you'd want in return. Right?

Here's Where You Can Check Yourself

Two of my 3 children belong to the narcissistic abuser I was with before Zebra Print Fiancee. I have considered myself lucky up until this point because he really wanted little to nothing to do with our youngest, so there was no co-parenting involved. I won't even really get into the full details, as they're unimportant here and actually make no sense at all, but even though he wants nothing to do with the toddler, he wants everything to do with our oldest. That has been the most difficult, but even then it's always been pretty easy because he's always been fairly easy to work with as far as visitation and so forth.

Sometime within the last year to 2 years, he finally found someone willing to be in a relationship with him. I knew he had a girlfriend, but he kept her identity a strict secret for a long time. In fact, I ended up finding out who she was on accident. When this little morsel of information was thrown at me, certain pieces all of a sudden started making sense. I have a history with this female in particular and my ex requesting to keep our oldest son with during Thanksgiving and Christmas (even though he's Muslim and celebrates neither) now had a real "justification." This justification is the reason I'm writing this particular blog entry.

There is a huge gray area when a couple with children split and then begin dating other people. It's unfortunate, but it's true. Many couples are able to handle things amicably and responsibly, but an even larger portion of couples are not. So in response to this, here's an open letter to my ex's current girlfriend and any other ones to follow her:

I am not your enemy. Don't view me as his ex girlfriend. While that may partially be what I am, that's not how you need to view me. I am my sons' mother. I'm not in your boyfriend's life because I want to be. I'm not in his life because I want to be in your place. I'm not in his life to make you feel threatened. I'm in his life because we have children together and I have to be.

With all of this in mind, remember your place. Remember that your place in his life is to be his girlfriend, not the new mother of his children. You have no say in how they are raised, how often they see either of their parents or what takes place in their lives. Should there ever come a time when your boyfriend becomes more delusional than he already is and wants you to have more of a say in such things, remember that you have absolutely none and you never will.

If I could have nothing to do with your boyfriend, I would. I would like you to keep this mind. Rather than viewing me as someone who is trying to get involved in your relationship in any way, you need to view me as what I am: my children's mom. Everything I do is for my children's best interest, regardless of whether or not you like it. One day, if you're super unlucky and super stupid, you may become their stepmom. But that will never negate what I am.

I am not the person that my ex has portrayed me to be. Unfortunately, you're only getting one side of the story and that side is actually skewed and full of lies. You may be wondering how I know this. I know this because I've known this man for over 10 years; I'm more than familiar with his personality, how he acts, how he THINKS and how he manipulates. I know that he is a very skilled liar and uses it to his advantage every single day. You may think you know him, but you don't. It took me years to actually realize what he was and how he had filled my life and my heart with lies. Because of this, I know he does it to you, too. Not only that, but I know how much he lied to me about you. You'd be appalled at the things he said about you. I, on the other hand, would not be surprised at all by the things he's probably said to you. I know all of his tricks and I know how convincing he can be. There's a reason he's such an excellent used car salesman.

The bottom line is this: I am not your enemy unless you want me to be. All I want is to continue to be what I already am: my sons' mother.

Who Told You Life Wasn't Worth The Fight?

We celebrated S's birthday today. We should be joking about how old he's getting over a couple of beers. We should be sitting in the living room, surrounded by food, laughing and telling stories. We should be watching his son blow out his birthday candles for him. We should be with him. But we're not. Instead, we're sending his birthday balloons up to him in heaven. (Click here to read his story.)

I was so sad as the day started. I just miss him so much and it makes me so sad that my children are growing up without having such a wonderful person in their lives. It makes me sad that I've never met his son. It makes me sad that our children should be playing together, but they're not. I cried a couple of times throughout the day and fully expected to be a hormonal wreck for the remainder of the day.

This was the first year that the toddler could really participate and know what was going on to some extent, and his pure, unadulterated joy at buying balloons and watching them being filled with helium was a great jump start to our ritual. His innocence and the pure excitement that shone on his face had me bubbling with laughter.

Then we had to get the balloons into the car without losing them to the wind. I had my oldest get in first and then I started shoving balloons into the backseat. Once they were in my car, I secured the toddler into his seat and told my oldest he could try and push the balloons into the far back if he wanted. (I drive an SUV.) He started fighting them; pushing them, shoving them, punching them to get into the back, and they bounced around in his face and in the toddler's face in protest. The toddler could not stop laughing at the sight and it helped bring the joy we experienced from inside the store to inside the vehicle.

It was soooo windy today. So windy. And so cold. We were actually under a wind advisory. But the funny thing is, every year that we've done this, we've had ridiculous wind. I'm not sure what that means, but I noticed that today and so did my oldest. We got up to the cemetery, to our favorite spot, and got out. The wind was absolutely piercing because we were up on top of one of the tallest, if not the tallest, hills in the city. I cut a balloon free from the bunch and handed them to the oldest, telling him where to stand and when to let go of the balloon so I could take pictures. He's always very cooperative with my photography. :) We kept running back to the car, cutting balloons loose and then fighting the wind to get what we wanted. We were also fighting the toddler to get him to cooperate, which was completely impossible. But it didn't bother either one of us. We had so much fun doing all of this that we found ourselves laughing most of the time. By the time we got into the car to leave, I realized that I hadn't even remembered to put on the CD that I listen to when I'm missing S. I felt my heart swell with warmth and happiness and I smiled; I knew that this is exactly what he would have wanted. He wouldn't want us to be sad. He would want us to be happy and have fun. He would have loved the ridiculous chaos that we brought to his birthday celebration and that made me feel content. He loved my oldest and I know he would have loved my toddler (and my newest baby! But I left him with his aunt for the afternoon). And he just would have loved the fun and laughter we had while celebrating him and his life.

Some of my favorite pictures from the day (and these are only a few! I took a bunch and love them all):

I heard this song for the first time a couple of weeks ago while I was doing dishes and it reminded me of S. It reminded me of him and made me cry. There's a song that I consider to be his and always listen to that on days such as this, but I want to post this song instead.

Here are the lyrics:

You must have been in a
Place so dark
You couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through
That stormy cloud
Now here we are
Gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way
You meant to draw a crowd

[Chorus]
Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking a troubled soul, 
God only knows what went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song

Now in my mind I'll keep you frozen
As a seventeen-year-old
Rounding third to score the
Winning run
You always played with passion
No matter what the game
When you took the stage
You'd shine just like the sun

[Chorus]
Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking a troubled soul, 
God only knows what went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song

Now the oak trees are swaying
In the early autumn breeze
A golden sun is shining on my face
Through tangled thoughts
I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that
Bad of a place

Oh why, there's no comprehending
And who am I to try to
Judge or explain
Oh, but I do have one
Burning question
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight
They were wrong, they lied
Now you're gone and we cry
'Cause it's not like you to
Walk away
In the middle of a song

Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song

What 2013 Taught Me

This post might be a little late, but I don't care. I've been thinking about making this blog for several weeks, so it's in time in my mind. And that's what matters.

It's a brand new year! Can you believe it?? I'm feeling kind of blase about the whole thing this time around. It feels like it's just another day in another week in another month in another year. Yanno?

Anyhoo. I thought I'd compile a list of things I learned in 2013. I went through a lot in the past year. Some of the things on this list I may not have necessarily learned in 2013, but were lessons that were forcefully reiterated. Let's see where this takes us.

1. You get what you give.

If what you put into the world is negative and cancerous, that's what you're going to get back. I learned that I truly believe in karma. I questioned it previously, but now I know that karma exists. If you're going to be a nasty, negative, destructive person to other people, expect the universe to repay you with the same. Not only will you suffer, but those around you will also suffer. Don't say I didn't warn you. ;)

2. True friendships aren't based on how often you see each other.

A friend that loves you for you and completely understands who you are as person will understand why you haven't seen each other for however long. Once you see each other again or even just start talking again, you will pick up where you left off and will feel the same amount of support you felt before. A true friendship is a meeting of the souls and that's something that nothing can break.

3. People are selfish.

Everyone always says that they can always rely on family or their closest friends to be there no matter what. Well, sometimes, that's just not the case. It's ingrained in us to be selfish; if you see that something isn't benefiting you or is causing you harm, you think of yourself first and remove yourself from the situation or do something that makes the situation better for YOU. Keep this in mind as people come and go from your life. Everyone has a breaking point and eventually, they have to take their own well being into consideration before anyone else's. Even the most giving person has this in them. If they don't think of themselves first in some situations, they will slowly deteriorate until there is nothing left. So expect nothing less and you will not be disappointed.

4. Family is forever, but that doesn't mean they don't suck.

This kind of ties in to the last point. People are selfish. Your family is selfish. It's human nature. Your family may be tied to you forever because of a blood relation, but that doesn't make them suck any less. You just need to learn to deal with it or cut them out of your life.

5. You're the only one that can heal yourself.

Nobody else knows what your heart truly holds and nobody else really knows what will make it better for you. You need to come to terms with what's going on in your heart and your mind, understand and deal with those issues and learn to love yourself before you can heal. Nobody can do that work for you. Others may have the ability to apologize for what they have done to wrong you, but the healing begins within. Love yourself and realize that you are worth the healing. You are worth love. You are worth it. Period. There is a reason that you have made it this far. Love yourself.

6. The rearview mirror is only there to warn you about what's to come.

You don't look in the rearview mirror because you miss the view. (Unless it's a really pretty sunset. Because I've done that.) You check your rearview mirror to see what's going on behind you. You check it to try and predict what could have an impact on you. If you see someone speeding up behind you, you get in the slow lane to get out of their way. (Unless you have road rage, which then indicates you should hit your brakes as hard as you can without warning because you're an asshole and want to show the speeder who's boss.) If you're passing someone, you check your rearview mirror to make sure you have passed them enough to safely get in front of them. If you cut in front of them before it's safe, you're going to get into an accident. But you'll be able to predict the accident if you check your rearview mirror. So, when you look in your rearview mirror, don't do it because you miss what you've passed. Do it to predict what will cause you harm in the future. Protect yourself. Protect your future. Don't let the same mistakes happen again.

7. Your hair really is connected to how you feel.

I've had cancer. Twice, actually. I can attest to the fact that women tend to equate hair to how feminine they feel. BUT. I let my hair go since I was pregnant and didn't care. Now my hair is long and annoying. I feel just as unattractive as I did when I had no hair! If you find yourself feeling down and out, go and get your hair done. Get it cut, get it colored, get it highlighted. Whatever! If you want something funky, do it! It's only hair. It will grow back. You can even color over it! Take the risk that you've been thinking of and know that the outcome isn't permanent, so it's ok. Or just put yourself first for once and get your hair cut. You'll thank me for it later, trust me.

8. Dish Networks sucks.

If you live in a region that gets any weather of any kind, don't get Dish. You lose the signal to your tv, which means you can't watch what you want. They don't do anything about it because it's an "act of God." Who knew that Dish was Christian, right?! Had I realized this before my 2 year old freaked out because Yo Gabba Gabba was frozen, I would have stuck with my shitty, overpriced cable provider. I'd rather pay more and have consistent tv than listen to him scream about Foofa being stuck in a compromising position with the Tooth Fairy.

I got nothin else. Did you relate to any of that? I hope so! I hope that some of what I have learned over the past year will help you learn. Or, if you're like me, you'll go through shit over the next year or so and then suddenly think back and remember my blog: "Oh yeah, she SAID this would happen!!" Because I never learn lessons until I've been through the scenarios myself. But that's ok. We're all beautiful and perfect in God's eyes, right?

Pfft. Good luck. And Happy New Year. ;)

Every 40 Seconds, Someone Asks Why

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. This is a very personal subject for me and one that I don't take lightly. If you'd like to ready my story, click here.

We should be trying to prevent suicide every day, but today is the day to bring to light what a huge problem it is. We should all be looking for signs and responding to them. I, personally, saw the signs of depressions, but didn't reach out. I let my friend go. Don't let yourself be one of those people who regrets what they could have done, but didn't. Don't be like me.

If you find yourself wondering why you're here and whether or not you are worthy...you are. You are worthy. Your life is worth something and if you're still on this planet, your story isn't over. It may hurt now, but now is not forever, beloveds. Ending your life only ends the opportunity of things ever getting better. And they will get better. They will.

Now is not forever.

Don't be afraid to reach out. You are someone and somebody loves you. Reach out for the support you need; you may be surprised by the response.

If all else fails, call 1-800-SUICIDE. Please.

I Hope The Angels Know What They Have

My dad came over on Friday to fix something for me and decided to bring a bunch of my stuff with him. (You see, I had to suddenly move to get out of a potentially very dangerous situation, so I only took the essentials at first, and have been slowly accumulating the rest of my things since then.) One of the things he brought were the business signs my friend left behind after his suicide. (You can read that emotional post here, in case you missed it.) They're now sitting in my bedroom and I'm happy to have them home. :) Yesterday, as I sat on the edge of the bed, getting ready to get up, I just looked at them and let the memories wash over me. I remembered finding the design (we used the same design for his business cards) and spending HOURS trying to get it to look right on his cards. I remembered him sitting next to me at the computer and typing in the info he wanted on them. I remembered all the shit my ex gave him for putting "God Bless America" on them. Lol anyways. I wanted to hug the signs and feel close to him again, just for a minute.

I logged into facebook this morning, since I read it like normal people read their morning paper, and this song was in my newsfeed. Not only is her voice beautiful, but the lyrics touched me. Is it a coincidence that these things come together at the same time? The signs, this song? I don't think so. :)

Here are the lyrics:

VERSE 1:
What does it look like in heaven?
Is it peaceful and free like they say?
Does the sun shine bright forever?
Have your fears and your pain gone away?

PRE HOOK:
Cause here on earth it feels like everything good is missing since you left.
Here on earth, everything is different, there is an emptiness.

HOOK:
I hope you're dancing in the sky,
I hope you're singing with the angels choir,
I hope the angels know what they have.
I bet it's nice up in heaven since you arrived.

VERSE 2:
Tell me, what do you do up in heaven?
Are your days filled with love and light?
Is there music? Is there art and invention?
Tell me are you happy and more alive?

PRE HOOK:
Cause here on earth it feels like everything good is missing since you left
Here on earth, everything is different, there is an emptiness.

HOOK:
I hope you're dancing in the sky,
I hope you're singing with the angels choir,
I hope the angels know what they have.
I bet it's nice up in heaven since you arrived.