If you're a parent, you know that raising kids isn't always fun. You don't always go to bed with sunshine and rainbows coming out of your ass, excited for the number of consecutive poopy diapers you're going to change before 10am. There are some days (or weeks, let's be honest) that really just suck. Because being a parent is tough. Whether you're working outside of the home or are a stay at home parent, parenting can feel like a full time job in and of itself. It's a lifestyle, really. A lifestyle that sometimes (more often than many want to admit) makes you lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes before you staple your whiny kid to the wall by the food and booger stained clothes they're wearing.
For the past week, we've had nothing but rain and it's made us all a little stir crazy. The toddler begs to play outside on a daily basis and, quite frankly, sunshine and fresh air really help clear my mind. The sun finally peeked out from behind the clouds today. If it hadn't have been so windy, it would have been damn near perfect. When the fiancee was finished with work (he worked from home today), we all went outside to sit and soak it all up. While we were sitting there, a woman with a stroller walked up the sidewalk. I looked not only to see who was passing, but also because she complimented the toddler's hair, as most everyone does when we're outside. (Girls love curls, mmkay?) The back of the stroller resembled a mule: it was laden with a giant, overstuffed diaper bag and 3 or 4 full shopping bags, all strategically (or not so strategically) stuffed in the basket under the stroller or hanging from the handle. There was so much weight in the back that unless she kept her hand on it, it kept tipping backwards. The front of the stroller contained a small girl with long, red, wispy hair that needed to be brushed. My eyes moved to the woman pushing the plastic mule. She was the quintessential frazzled and overwhelmed mom, almost to the point where it was like looking at a character out of a Lifetime movie: her long hair hung in a complete mess around her shoulders and the frame of her face, pieces blowing madly in the wind. She was wearing yoga pants, a baggy tshirt, a fleece jacket, and a 7 month old baby boy was hanging from her front. She was out of breath and you could hear it in her voice. Her face was drawn and gave away her level of exhaustion.
We talked for a few minutes about how our children were similar in age differences: I have a 10 year old, an almost 3 year old and 6 month old. She has a 20 year old, a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old. We sympathized with each other on how hard it is to have two little ones so close in age and laughed at the stupid parts of it; you know, when you're trying to leave the house and all of a sudden everyone has pooped! And how everything is always covered in spit up, including clothes that haven't even been worn yet. Rather than beginning to move the stroller forward, she continued to stand there, just talking about stuff like that. I figured that she was tired, lonely and needed someone who understood, so I continued to smile, laugh and sympathize with her.
Before I really knew what was happening, her daughter was throwing a genuine temper tantrum to get out of the stroller and play with the toddler. I mean, she was kicking, screaming, thrashing, stripping off her coat and shoes to throw on the ground and being an all around really good visual birth control. The woman had said that the little girl had been screaming all day to go outside and they finally were, so she had all this pent up energy. She said that she wanted to go to the playground, but she was afraid of having to chase her around with the baby strapped to her. The little girl continued to throw everything on the ground and the woman looked at me, saying, "I...I don't know what to do."
"Well, I'm here and we were going to stay outside for a little while anyways. If you want to let her down, I can chase her around for you. Mine doesn't run for the street, so he's easy."
I spent the next hour or so chasing this little girl around my front yard and the front yards of two of my neighbors. I blocked her path, limited her running grounds, pried things from her little fingers, picked her up and redirected her path, wrapped my arms around her and my toddler to prevent them from toppling over as she gave him an all encompassing hug and played traffic cop while she drove around on the little four wheeler. (I also stopped myself from being short with her when she continuously snatched things from the toddler, including the hat he was wearing and his jacket, but it's not her fault that her mother doesn't discipline her.) All the while this was happening, her mother talked about random things and gave little embarrassing laughs when her daughter misbehaved. She wanted to talk about messy houses, the nightmarish weight gain...just random chit chat.
Eventually, we had to go inside for dinner and the woman had to leave. We packed up all of our toys, which we hoped would make it easier to get the little girl to leave. It didn't. I ended up sending the toddler upstairs so I could stay outside for a few minutes to make sure she was ok. I couldn't just leave her there. There was a baby strapped to her front and a tiny terrorist toddler that had thrown herself on the ground, screaming and thrashing around again. She looked so frazzled, embarrassed and at the end of her rope.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Yeah, if you could just..."
Her sentence trailed off and I knew that she didn't know what she wanted me to do that would sound appropriate. I'm sure she didn't want to be judged for what needed to be done. So I just walked over to her. I put my hand on the stroller to keep it from tipping and my foot behind the wheel to keep it from going backwards as she attempted to get this little girl, who was now suddenly red faced and stiff as a board, into the stroller. (I suddenly understand why the stroller was in the laying down position...) Anyways, I eventually helped her pick her up, place her in the stroller and buckle her. Can you imagine trying to do that on your own with an 18lb living sack of potatoes hanging from your front?? Pfft.
Can you imagine actually being this woman? I can. I may not go out in public during those days, but there are days that I am this woman. Frazzled, overwhelmed and not able to see an end in sight. We've all been there to some extent. Unless, of course, you're Super Parent. In which case, you're at the wrong blog. ;) What I could have done to this fellow mom was to brush her off and usher her on her way. But I didn't because I know what it feels like to need a damn break! What was an inconvenience or an annoyance to me for a little while today was the life that she leads every single day. For that small amount of time, she could breathe a little easier because she wasn't alone. She said to me, "Oh my god. He's your responsibility and here you are chasing her." I just looked at her and said, "It's ok. I understand."
Be patient. Be understanding. Don't look at another parent who is overwhelmed and make snide, judgmental remarks, even if it's only to yourself. You don't know the person's story, where they've been or what they're going through. Today, I helped a single mom take a breather from her stressful life. Today, that single mom helped give me perspective on things.
SUPPORT EACH OTHER, MOMS. Support each other in love because that's what you'd want in return. Right?
