I was 18 when I tried alcohol for the first time. And when I raced a state trooper on the thruway with my little sister in the car. I was also 18 (or 19) when I was arrested on felony charges.
I know that you think I'm going to be disappointed when you make mistakes because of where I am in life, but you're seeing me as I am right now, after 33 years of life to live. I've had 33 years to make mistakes, and I can assure you that I have. The only reason that you're seeing me the way I am now is because of the lessons I learned from those mistakes. You can read a lot about my life in my blog, but this post is specifically for you.
I was raised in a very financially secure, Christian household, and my parents spent a lot of money sending me to a private Christian school 30 minutes from our house. My dad owned his own successful business, and my mom was the homemaker. My grandparents were very prominent figures in our local Christian community with a lot of influence over a lot of people. They also owned a successful business. There was a lot of pressure to be perfect, and that pressure started first at home. My mom struggled with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (although she denies it now,) and put the pressure on my sister and I to be perfect, as well. Ha.
As soon as I graduated high school, I moved out of my mom's house (my parents had divorced by then,) and I moved in with my cousin. The pressure to be the perfect daughter flew out the window as I drove down the highway.
Back then, I had an online diary I kept to journal my life, as well as to share it with friends. I received an anonymous, nasty comment on my diary, and I was convinced it was my ex boyfriend. I went straight to the police, filed a report, and they conducted an investigation. It turned out that nobody in his home had even logged on to the internet (it was dial up back then, kids,) when the comment was posted, so the police arrested me for filing a false police report, a felony. My ex (we called him Bell Pepper because...well...they're tiny) filed a restraining order against me, as well. If you ever see my mugshot, yes, I'm the asshole grinning.
All of this to say, shit happens. We all screw up. We all hold ourselves to ridiculous standards, and then we all let ourselves down when we can't meet those unrealistic goals. I have done some CRAZY things in my life, but I was still able to make it to where I am right now in life, dressing up like a responsible adult. I'm in a great marriage, despite my self-sabotaging past. I went to college (for a little while, before I was booted for failing Statistics twice in a row.) I lived my high school dream of being a photographer. I'm living my lifelong dreams of being a writer, and a mom. Screwing up doesn't mean your future is worthless. (Holy shitballs, Batman, I should listen to my own advice!) EVERYBODY does stupid stuff, which is why politicians keep getting caught with their pants down. See? Even big, powerful politicians screw up, and look where they are!
You know, even if I came to you with no mistakes under my buckle, you making a mistake wouldn't make me love you any less. There will be times when I disappoint you, and there will be times when you disappoint me, but the love is always unconditional. We're family, kid, and there's just no getting rid of me. ;)
#YouAreWorthy
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